Recently I have had some people in my life challenge me to step into things that are a little (ok massively) scary for me. I argue and tell them how I like my safe space, my comfort zone and that while what they are asking me to do is something I can possibly do, it is not something I want to do. So I politely tell them no, and hope that is the end of the conversation. Of course with the two different people for two different things that is not the case. Heaven forbid that someone just take the no and let it be right? Unfortunately and fortunately in both cases the people could see that my polite no was not really because it was something I couldn’t do or something that I did not want to do rather it was something that I was afraid of doing. For me anything that draws attention towards me is something I avoid as much as possible. I have spent years mastering the art of hiding in plain sight at church and being very busy doing all of the behind the scenes work so that I can’t be asked to do something in front of people.
But, in the midst of fear, which is something I constantly have to fight, something in me was drawn. Because as afraid as I am, there is a part of me crying out to do more, to walk in my calling and use the gifts that God has given me. So in the midst of my brain saying no way, not possible, not going to happen, my heart took control and said lets listen some more, this sounds like something amazing, and this would be a good use of gifts. So out of that came a conflicted yes, well to one of the two, for now.
The other I know is coming, but part of me wants to avoid it for as long as possible, I mean how much can one person do right? Maybe I can hide long enough that they will forget right? I know that is not even possible. There is a yes there, it may have been spoken. Luckily I have such a great friend that he not only calls out the gifting and calling but will listen to me as I go on about how I am not good enough or my brain stops working when I have to do things in front of people, or that I should change my answer to a no and reminds me why I said yes to begin with. Also I am reminded that I am not supposed to spend my life in hiding.
I am always reminded that life is not meant to be spent in hiding. There is an old Garth Brooks song called Standing Outside The Fire part of one of the verses described those that stand outside the fire;
We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flame
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
That always comes with getting burned
But in that, in the place of taking the chance you see that “Life is not tried, it is merely survived If you’re standing outside the fire.” So the question is are you standing outside the fire? Or are you calling those inside the flame fools?