Last week I published a post on being known (Read Here) and the struggle of wanting to be known while not really wanting to be known. Some of you may know the struggle I am describing. I mentioned then that I would blog a bit of my journey in the process. I know that I am not perfect and this is still a struggle for me. So how does one make steps towards being known? Is there an easy place to start? Those were my thoughts. So I decided to visit a women Bible study. Now I am not typically one to do women’s ministry things because well women can be mean and catty and I have this flash of mean girls happening (some of you know exactly what I mean). I decided to try this Bible study out because it worked with my work schedule, early in the morning before work and because I knew one of the leaders (and she was someone I had already determined I could trust). Walking in was probably one of the scariest things I have done in a long time. This group has been going for awhile and so I was a new person joining in the middle well, visiting in the middle of a study they have been doing for a long time. When I walked in there were a few people I had met in other ministries and my own anxieties calmed down a bit. Then, there was the moment when the leader introduced me to people and asked me if I wanted to say anything, tell them about myself and I just said no. Inside I was like absolute fail with trying to be known. That was not what I was supposed to do. So the leader told everyone a bit about me. The time went on, and there was some great discussion among the ladies, did I say anything? Nope! Again I had the thought of Fail!
So, in this journey, I felt like I was failing miserably at being known and the Lord reminded me of the steps I had made. While in my mind I was thinking I should have just jumped in, I was definitely not ready for that. Those who known me know my thoughts on small groups and how much I hate them, and try to avoid them. However, in this case I made a step in the right direction, I went to a Bible Study as a visitor with a bunch of women that I did not know.
So back to the Bible Study, the women were all so sweet and welcoming. They asked after if I was going to join the group and I said I was not sure. Part of me knew I should say yes, but part of me was not sure if I wanted to commit to joining this group. After I left, I thought and prayed and I knew I was supposed to be there, so I decided to join and I showed up again, this time with an answer that I was going to join. I want to be one of those people that can just jump in and participate and talk during groups, but I am not one of those people, and one of the things I am learning as I take my very small baby steps is that it is ok to not be that person. God has made me a specific way, I am an introvert that is a thinker and takes time to process things. I do not just say things for the sake of saying things when in a group setting, I say them because they matter to me. I am not a fan of superficial conversation, I care about the deep things, the things that really matter to people. So what am I learning as I take baby steps into being known, that its ok if I am different in how I am known, and its ok. How is your journey going? Is God stretching you to do something more? Something different? Lets chat!